Perseverance

I’ve been kind of “out of it” the past several days since the election. The day that followed I was in a daze. I cried and I couldn’t stop.

The man that made fun of a disabled reporter was now president. What was I going to tell my disabled son?

The man that hates immigrants was now president. I am an immigrant. But I am white, so I’m OK? Right? If I was “brown” I would not be, I would be garbage.

I could go on. Health Care & Women’s Rights are at stake, including LGBT rights, provisions for climate change and sensible gun control and many other things I hold dear that should be a “given” in this country that claims to be so “superior”, but it is not. I have an endless list of reasons why I didn’t want this man to be President.

This man that is now president reflects everything that America is not supposed to be about. He’s for hate. Period. HATE.

Iquotescover-jpg-56gy felt like I no longer belonged here. I was hysterical.

My husband gave me some of his anti-anxiety medication but I took too much of it, I overdosed. My kids tell me I napped all over the house, I slept for hours, even on the floor. When I got up I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t stay awake. My husband came home from work because he was worried after several frantic text messages from Connor.

Connor, blessed his heart, took care of his brother. Nicky googled the name of the medication I took with the word “overdose” and it fit me to a T. I later found out that if I had taken twice as much as I took it would have been fatal.

Scary? Extremely.

Get a grip Silvia.

The next day I found several online groups with people like-minded and I friended a ton of them. I needed to know I was not alone, I was not the only one freaking out. Even Nicky’s RN at CHLA told me that the day after the election she went on a food binge because she was so upset. It was too much to take. In my view, the world as I knew it had absolutely collapsed.

Are we over-reacting? I don’t think so. Sure, it’s a wait-and-see by all means, but there are many very real reasons to be worried.

Somehow I have to accept it. And by accepting it, it means I have to make sure my family is safe. I now have paperwork already on its way to make my entire family dual citizens with Italy. I knew that keeping my Italian/European citizenship would come handy someday, and this is that someday. This way we’re prepared for anything and everything.

I find it amusing how some of my Italian friends tell me “It’s not much better here”. Really?
They have no idea what it’s like to have had two bankruptcies over health care bills the insurance refused to pay.
They have no idea what it’s like to be afraid because there are guns everywhere.
They have no idea what it’s like to have women’s rights threatened at every turn.
They have no idea what it means that US elections are just a popularity contest instead of issues.
They have no idea how good they have it. No clue. I will teach them all.

Maybe I am worrying for nothing, but I am preparing for the worse.

In the meantime I have to persevere. Keep fighting for decent health-care, fighting for women’s rights, for decency, for LOVE and reject hate at every cost. My secret weapon is Faith, Hope & Love.

Do not let anyone tell you that is foolish to have Hope. It’s what keeps me going. Hope is that little bitty light at the end of the tunnel that keeps you moving forward. We must persevere. I will persevere. My advocacy continues. I may even join political groups to push forward on subjects dear to my heart.

I do not know where perseverance comes from, the will to keep fighting no matter how many setbacks we’re faced with.  Do we inherit this trait? Is it like a mountain that we’re climbing and each step makes us stronger? When I was younger I sure wasn’t this way, but the years add up and if Nicky has taught me anything is that patience is a virtue. I am definitely more patient with myself and my family in my 50s than I ever was before. It takes a LOT to rattled me, and this election rattled me.

Thanks for letting me ramble and for allowing me to vent. No more anti-anxiety meds for me!! Wine will do just fine.

Love & Light,

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