{"id":1202,"date":"2015-04-18T19:54:36","date_gmt":"2015-04-18T19:54:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/?p=1202"},"modified":"2016-03-04T17:53:13","modified_gmt":"2016-03-04T17:53:13","slug":"if-only-i-had-a-delorean","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/?p=1202","title":{"rendered":"If Only I had a Delorean&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I think this is something we all wish-that a DeLorean was available for us to enter, we could turn on the time circuits, flick on the Flux Capacitor, and we could reach that 88-miles threshold to another place and time where we could change things&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Summer 1984 is where I would go. 31 years ago. I was a thick-glasses wearing brunette, I wasn&#8217;t overweight but I didn&#8217;t sport that concentration-camp look either, you know, the one that models have on the runway.<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_1203\" style=\"width: 510px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/2011-06-17_1-2-copy.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-1203\" class=\"size-full wp-image-1203\" src=\"http:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/2011-06-17_1-2-copy.jpg\" alt=\"Summer 1984 - Near a Mall in North Miami Beach, FL\" width=\"500\" height=\"383\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/2011-06-17_1-2-copy.jpg 500w, https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/2011-06-17_1-2-copy-300x230.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-1203\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Summer 1984 &#8211; Near a Mall in North Miami Beach, FL<\/p><\/div>\n<p>By the following year\u00a0I had lost some\u00a0weight, bleached my hair blonde, and got contact lenses. Let&#8217;s just say 1984 &amp; 1985 were two years I would revisit for many different reasons. They were\u00a0scary in many ways because I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do and who the heck I was, but some decisions I made those years have followed me in ways sometimes I appreciate and others&#8230; well&#8230; you know. But don&#8217;t we all have some regrets in retrospect?<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_1204\" style=\"width: 510px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/Image2-copy.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-1204\" class=\"size-full wp-image-1204\" src=\"http:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/Image2-copy.jpg\" alt=\"Summer 1985 - At Universal Studios (CA) with the original DeLorean\" width=\"500\" height=\"475\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/Image2-copy.jpg 500w, https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/Image2-copy-300x285.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-1204\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Summer 1985 &#8211; At Universal Studios (CA) with the original DeLorean from he movie<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Still, 1984\/1985 were good years\u00a0for me. I graduated High School, went to Florida for my Airline school, I spent a lot of time with Nick, my best friend at the time (should we have gotten married? Hmmm&#8230; ) and it&#8217;s also when I met Greg.<br \/>\nThe career with the airlines never materialized, despite some of what I consider heroic efforts on my part. I mailed hundreds of resumes to any airline in existence, but at the time my biggest detriment was that several airlines had folded and those people with &#8220;experience&#8221; were on the frontline for many of those jobs. Just to illustrate how far and few these jobs were, I once went to Albuquerque for an interview for a stewardess position. I applied for any position possible BTW, I was qualified to do all, reservations etc. This airline was holding 3 sessions for two\u00a0days, each session had about 50 girls and guys in a &#8220;group&#8221; interview. So&#8230; in Albuquerque alone they saw a minimum of 300 people. Albuquerque was just one stop on a cross-country tour. They went to at least 10 big cities, but probably many more. They were only looking to hire 100 people temporarily, of which they would offer full-time positions to only 50. I didn&#8217;t let that discourage me, after all I was fluent in two languages, but all my efforts went null. I\u00a0flew to San Francisco for an interview once, they liked me but they hired someone with more &#8220;experience&#8221;. I almost got hired by Eastern Airlines in El Paso at one point. They said they would call me a few days later to let me know which position I was going to be on. A few days later they did call&#8230; to let me know Eastern Airlines had been pulled out of the El Paso Airport. I cried for days. The most I was able to do is to work for a travel agency&#8230; that was a story in itself, I wrote about it\u00a0in my book &#8220;<strong><a href=\"http:\/\/www.butterflychildamothersjourney.com\/?page_id=19\" target=\"_blank\">Butterfly Child<\/a><\/strong>&#8220;.<br \/>\nLooking back, all this airline stuff seems like a gigantic waste of time. It was my dream though, that&#8217;s what I wanted to do. If I went back, what exactly would I change? That&#8217;s the million dollar question. Perhaps I should have joined the computer bandwagon back then, but wouldn&#8217;t everyone?<\/p>\n<p>I did end up joining the computer industry in 1992 when I started working at Babbage&#8217;s. Too little too late perhaps? Still, I was one of the first people to get an &#8220;email address&#8221;, I wonder if that counts for something. I went to the Google HQ with Nicky a few weeks ago and it felt so &#8220;right&#8221; to me, I told Nicky that if only I had been a few years younger (ok, 25), that&#8217;s where I would love to work. Totally in my bag of tricks, so to speak. Was I born too early maybe?<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/\u201cLosing-a-baby-at-birth-followed-by-a-26.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-1206\" src=\"http:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/\u201cLosing-a-baby-at-birth-followed-by-a-26-300x300.png\" alt=\"\u201cLosing a baby at birth, followed by a (26)\" width=\"400\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/\u201cLosing-a-baby-at-birth-followed-by-a-26-300x300.png 300w, https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/\u201cLosing-a-baby-at-birth-followed-by-a-26-150x150.png 150w, https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/\u201cLosing-a-baby-at-birth-followed-by-a-26-210x210.png 210w, https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/\u201cLosing-a-baby-at-birth-followed-by-a-26-50x50.png 50w, https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/\u201cLosing-a-baby-at-birth-followed-by-a-26.png 800w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>If I am being completely honest here, I never felt like I fit in anywhere. I didn&#8217;t fit in Italy, I don&#8217;t think I fit in the US at all, everything I do I feel like I fail at. My track record is just pathetic. I couldn&#8217;t get a job in the airline industry, I was unable to franchise a Domino&#8217;s Pizza store (despite enormous heroic efforts there as well&#8230; the stuff I did&#8230; ugh!), then I had to quit my MicroAge job just when it was going so well when Nicky was born&#8230;<br \/>\nI feel like I am a major loser in that Dept as well&#8230; first baby, dead. Check. Second pregnancy, miscarriage. Check. Third baby, one of the more severe forms of EB. Fantastic.\u00a0Then and only then I got Connor, and that&#8217;s only because I am not a quitter. I feel like the good Lord looked down on me and said&#8230; let&#8217;s throw her a bone. I felt that too when Greg and I got married in 2002. It&#8217;s almost as if God felt sorry for me and decided that maybe I was due a bit of something good.\u00a0For the past 18+ years all I&#8217;ve done is taking care of my son. Don&#8217;t get me wrong, if I could go back in time I would do it over again, but it takes its toll. I can&#8217;t go anywhere, do anything, without considerable effort. It&#8217;s only been for the past few years that I can leave him alone in the house for a short amount of time. This means I have very little\u00a0freedom. Even going to school was hard. I could only take classes at a certain time of day.<\/p>\n<p>So, what exactly would I do if I was able to sit in this DeLorean? Perhaps nothing, perhaps something significant. I hope people don&#8217;t take this the wrong way, but seeing your child suffering every day, or holding your dead newborn are life-changing experiences that I wish I never experienced. Would I be a terrible person if I decided not to try to franchise a Domino&#8217;s Pizza store, forget about getting a job in the airline industry &amp; ultimately not married Nick and had our kids (Alex &amp; Nicky)? Would that make me awful? But of course that does not\u00a0mean that something worse would have happened otherwise, although I cannot contemplate anything much worse than what actually happened.<\/p>\n<p>At the end of the day, this is it. This is our life. Whatever happened in 1984 or 1992 or 2004 is written in stone. It cannot be changed. I&#8217;ve cried all morning writing this blog, for many different reasons, mainly because I forgot to take my Lexapro for a few days, but also because sometimes it just feels good to let the tears flow. It is OK. I accepted things. I am a happy person in the grand scheme of things, and I appreciate all the good. I just wish my lessons hadn&#8217;t had to be learned in such a hard way.<\/p>\n<p>Love and Blessings,<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/Animation47_silvia.gif\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-1207\" src=\"http:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/Animation47_silvia.gif\" alt=\"Animation47_silvia\" width=\"276\" height=\"164\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div class=\"fb-background-color\">\n\t\t\t  <div \n\t\t\t  \tclass = \"fb-comments\" \n\t\t\t  \tdata-href = \"https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/?p=1202\"\n\t\t\t  \tdata-numposts = \"20\"\n\t\t\t  \tdata-lazy = \"true\"\n\t\t\t\tdata-colorscheme = \"light\"\n\t\t\t\tdata-order-by = \"reverse_time\"\n\t\t\t\tdata-mobile=true>\n\t\t\t  <\/div><\/div>\n\t\t  <style>\n\t\t    .fb-background-color {\n\t\t\t\tbackground: #ffffff !important;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t.fb_iframe_widget_fluid_desktop iframe {\n\t\t\t    width: 100% !important;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t  <\/style>\n\t\t  ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I think this is something we all wish-that a DeLorean was available for us to enter, we could turn on the time circuits, flick on the Flux Capacitor, and we could reach that 88-miles threshold to another place and time where we could change things&hellip; Summer 1984 is where I&#46;&#46;&#46;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1204,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[206,207],"class_list":["post-1202","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","tag-accepting","tag-delorean"],"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1202","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1202"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1202\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1208,"href":"https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1202\/revisions\/1208"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1204"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1202"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1202"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.silviaskingdom.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1202"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}