A few years ago I was presented with a situation that was hard to digest. As I describe in detail in my book Losing Alex, a group of what I can only describe as ‘evil people’ had targeted me big time. Since my website showed me the referring links (basically how they found me… was it google, yahoo, or a link from another website) I was able to find this horrific bulletin board, a group of truly disgusting individuals from all over the world who had great fun sending horrific messages to grieving mothers. I tried to fight back and call them out at first but in turn they only got uglier and nastier (and nasty does not even begin to describe their messages). In the end I blocked them all (it’s a long story actually, if you want to know the details please get your copy of my book, only $2.99 for the kindle, a worthy read, I promise!) and forgot all about them until a detective from Scotland Yard contacting me. These ‘evil people’ were truly evil. The main guy who wrote me all this filth was in actuality a murderer which I helped put behind bars.
Before this incident happened, I can’t really say I had ever come close to true evil, and it was scary. Just a few months ago I was watching an interview with Sonia Sotomayor on 60 minutes and she said the same thing… while she enjoyed being a judge, what was the most upsetting thing for her was to be in front of pure evil. Nothing can prepare you when you’re confronted with someone that is so incredibly dark. Nothing. I try to live in the light. I strive to live in the light. I’ve learned to avoid darkness at every cost.
It’s quite interesting for me, with the advent of Facebook, unfortunately, to find out people I have known all my life, friends, family, old high-school friends, co-workers and fellow EB parents, how some have a little evil in them. I am certain I do too, I am not perfect, far from it. I just wish some of these individuals would not put it on public display. I can’t help but shake my head anytime these people that I love, respect or at very least like, make absolutely insensitive or ignorant posts, especially when speaking negatively and appearing homophobic, racist or downright hateful, so hateful I am left speechless. I am so tempted at saying… “You know you said that out loud to everyone you’ve ever known, don’t you?” Are they really OK to tell ALL the people in their life to respect them less, like them less and are they ready to lose friends in light of their most recent status update? It’s funny, I used to call these people out on their hatred, even lost a few friends because of them, but that took too much of my strength, too much of my time, they turned their hatred on me and it just wasn’t worthed. I decided instead to just hide them from my feed. It’s just easier on my psyche. I bow my head, say a silent prayer and feel sad for them, and move on. Love and Life are far too important to think too much about what others think and do. Hopefully one day the love bug will hit them, and if it doesn’t, it’s not my job to turn them around, all I can do is wish them well and learn from their hatred.
Which brings me to my kids fighting last night. I hate, hate disciplining Nicky. I feel like I am always walking a fine line with him, everything I do and say around him makes me feel as if I am walking on eggshells. However, last night my patience hit the tipping point. I had to do something before I exploded. Both kids were at fault, it was the same fight, the same thing that’s been going on for months, and since everything I’ve told them before fell on deaf ears, I knew it was time for me to bring out the big guns. I told them I had enough, and sent them to bed 1 hour earlier, I went in each bedroom and I had a LONG talk with each of them. I wanted to get to the bottom of things. I did not leave the room until there wasn’t one more word to be said, one more hurt feeling unexplored. I talked to them to their level, while holding their hands. I did not yell but I spoke with authority, I asked questions and came up with answers; for a while there I was going back and forth to each bedroom to clarify details and come up with more solutions. I gave Nicky strategies to deal with his brother and viceversa. I ended up our talks with a hug and an ‘I love you’ and went to bed.
The best thing, for me, is them walking up this morning feeling good about our talk, and knowing how to tackle each other and still loving me and giving me hugs. It was probably one of the toughest things I’ve had to do in a long time, and I am glad I did. We’ll see what happens in the next few days, I am not counting victory yet!
I suppose all of us have a little evil in us, and we can all slip. We are human after-all and nobody is perfect. The important thing is to realize our mistake, apologize INSTEAD of defend ourselves, no excuses, just say sorry, learn and move on. It’s a tough lesson to teach my kids, but one I am determined to make sure they learn.
Love & Light,