When you experience the unimaginable loss of a child, the world changes overnight. The sheer fragility of life is laid bare, and for a long time, the only language your heart knows is grief. I spent a full year crying after my son Alex was stillborn at full term. Every day was an exercise in just getting through the hours.
And then the first-year milestones came and went—what would have been his first Christmas, his first steps, his first birthday. Standing on the other side of those agonizing dates, I realized something vital: I was merely existing, not living. I had to make a choice.
The Guilt of Joy
One of the heaviest burdens bereaved mothers carry is the guilt of happiness. If we laugh at a joke, smile at a sunset, or find ourselves genuinely enjoying a moment, a sudden wave of panic often follows: How can I be happy when my child is gone? Am I forgetting them? Is this a betrayal?
The truth is, joy and grief can—and must—coexist. Experiencing a moment of happiness does not mean you love your child any less. It means you are carrying their memory forward into a life that is still unfolding.
Finding Your Spark Again
Healing doesn’t happen all at once, and it doesn’t look the same for everyone. For me, one of the unexpected things that brought me back to life was comedy. I often say that watching Friends helped save me because, in those dark days, hearing laughter—even canned laughter from a sitcom—reminded my brain that joy wasn’t entirely out of reach.
Whether it is watching a favorite comedy series, visiting an amusement park, or spending time outdoors, whatever helps you catch your breath is a gift. You do not have to apologize for finding light in the darkness.
Permission to Live
If you are waiting for someone to tell you that it’s okay to smile again, please let this be your permission. Laughing, smiling, and seeking out moments of peace are not betrayals of your child. They are ways of honoring the preciousness of life by truly living it—all while keeping a sacred, unbreakable space for them in your heart.
👉 To hear more on this and find encouragement for your own journey, watch this week’s full video on YouTube. 🤍
