My Son has Made me a Better Person

My son has made me a better person. No lie, I used to be the girl who slammed doors and threw things. It’s quite embarrassing to think about that now, but having a child with special needs has taught me to have an immense amount of patience. Nicky has taught me that the only person I hurt when I go through those fits of rage is ME.

Neurologists claim that every time you resist acting on your anger, you’re actually rewiring your brain to be calmer and more loving. 
The law of attraction further states that energy attracts energy. This means that anger attracts anger, greed attracts greed, hate attracts hate and love attracts love.  Therefore, the world of an angry person is filled with angry people, the world of a greedy person is filled with greedy people, and a loving person lives in a world of loving people.

Because of this I learned over the years to avoid or “hide” toxic people for my own well being and for my family’s well being. If mamma’s happy, everyone’s happy. Especially Nicky. Let’s face it, it’s impossible to please everyone and sometimes the mean comments will be sent our way because of things that have nothing to do with us. We cannot control someone’s else’s anger displacement, but we can control how we react to it. When I get angry I try to breathe before I react. I had to learn this the hard way and it took a long time. Nothing will be accomplished by spewing hateful, angry words.

Sometimes anger is justified but we should try not to say things we don’t mean…. I take exception when people mess with my Nicky intentionally… it’s rare when it happens, but that’s when my Italian psycho-bitch emerges, and let me tell you, she’s AWESOME! If I don’t defend my child, who will? Besides, anyone that treats a disabled child in pain 24/7 bad, they deserve it.

The truth of our journey is that at the end of the day it’s all about LOVE. As a young woman I knew I would love my children, but I ended up loving them even more than I thought possible. I have more patience than I ever thought possible. I also used to be the quietest person and the shiest person in the room but I will now not back down from a fight and hear me roar while we fight for the bandages and for whatever my child needs.

Sometimes I feels like people treat our life like a tragedy or they completely ignore the struggles and needs we do have. No one really grasps how incredible the joys of this journey are or how hard it is. You can’t have one without the other. The joys and the love are so big they need their own zip codes, but the struggles are equally immense. It took a long time for me to even come to grips that I have to torture my child every day, in order for him to live. Only another mom in similar shoes can possibly understand.

There are times in everyone’s lives where we are hit hard by unforeseen circumstances and we have to learn to cope. This happened 3 times in my life. Three times my world fell apart and I could do nothing about it. When Alex died. When Nicky was born with EB. When my husband had his strokes. But I am still here, still walking, still pushing along, still with my glass half-full. Still loving my family and do what I must. I refuse to fall apart.

Learning to suppress anger is key to my survival. My tips include going for a walk, screaming into a pillow, write into a diary, find your tribe to be able to vent and learning how to respond instead of reacting.

Love & Light,