Blog · December 7, 2015

Nicky’s Big Brother don’t talk much about Nicky’s big brother Alex in this blog. Alex is my first baby that was stillborn at full term in March 1995. I may not talk about him, but he’s always on my mind. His loss is something I will carry with me forever.

His absence is felt, yet his presence is felt as well. It’s hard to really explain what your heart knows without a shadow of a doubt.

I know a lot of people have doubts about the “afterlife”. Do our spirits survive physical death? What happens when we die? Most people do believe in heaven, but have a hard time believing in ghosts and supernatural things. It’s understandable. It’s creepy. But if Alex’s death has taught me anything is that our energy, our soul, survives. Too many things happened since his death that cannot be readily explained and are a little too coincidental. There has to be a conscious effort in his part to let me know he’s here.

Theresa Caputo & Kim Russo are two mediums that are fascinating to Nicky and me; these are noted psychics with TV shows who help people connect with loved ones from the other side. I have also read books by James Van Praagh & John Edwards, and since I have had my own experiences with paranormal activities, I know without a doubt there is “something more to life than this”, so I decided to find a credible psychic to visit. When I found a reputable lady in San Diego, Nicky was thrilled. He had questions, lots of questions.

I  recorded the meeting when we went in September 2013 and when I transcribed it was exceptionally healing.

The one thing she said immediately that made me realize she was the real deal was when she initially channeled Alex and she raised her right hand, waved and said:
“He’s waving and saying ‘Hi Mom!’ He calls you Mom.”

Now… there was no way she could have known that after Greg had his strokes in 2009 I had begged Alex to come into my dreams. I didn’t even know for what, I just needed to see him. After weeks of begging, night after night, one particular evening it happened. This didn’t feel like a dream, it felt different somehow. I was standing in the kitchen and Nicky was coming around the corner, and as he turned, I noticed another little boy, slightly taller than him, helping him walk, holding his arm. As Nicky cleared the corner, this other little boy came in full view. He was covered in bandages but stood tall, straight. His hair was darker than Nicky’s. He lifted his right hand, waved, and said: “Hi Mom!” and disappeared. So, you can imagine my jaw dropping when that is exactly what Alex had shown her.

This validated not only my dream-or whatever that was-but that she was indeed channeling him. Alex explained that he didn’t suffer, his was a gentle death, and it was a “trial-run” whatever that meant. He said he would always watch over Nicky, because that’s what big brothers do.
Apparently, EB could not have been prevented; it was all part of the “plan”.

This “plan” comment actually helped me, believe it or not. From the book “Journey of Souls: Case Studies of Life Between Lives” it states our souls do sometime pick difficult lives in advance to learn key love lessons. Nicky and I often joke on our way to the hospital “What the hell were you thinking picking EB?” He laughs and laughs.

She also briefly channeled my grandmothers. She pegged my Nonna Rina to a T. She was indeed full of life and vibrant, made me feel good when she said she watched over Nicky every night. The message from my Nonna Stella though was a little sad. She said she had trouble breathing when she died and that it hurt physically and that she wished she had passed sooner than she did because she was in a lot of pain for a very long time. Indeed. My grandma died of lung cancer. She was diagnosed with breast cancer initially in 1964, which later spread to her lungs. She died in 1977 and was in and out of hospitals all that time.

Nicky had questions about a cure for EB in his lifetime. She knew nothing about EB, yet she pegged that he would be part of trials, but she also stated that with the help of two different trials or medications, his condition would go into remission and that his skin would be normal.

How is that for keeping hope alive in my heart? On days when I am very low, I remember her words and I smile.

So, I recently read another phenomenal book “My Life After Death: A Memoir from Heaven“. I found this blog (Channeling Erik) from a bereaved mom a while ago who found solace when she was able to connect with her son Erik who committed suicide from the other side. She was a huge skeptic going into it, but now she has no doubts anymore. I highly recommend this book! It’s just fantastic.

I found another wonderful medium that I trust and I am in the middle of compiling questions for her. I saw her work and she’s amazing and very affordable. I need answers and I want to be able to connect with Alex as well. I want to do it before Christmas so I can be more at peace during the holidays.

Love and peace for the holidays… there is nothing better.

BTW, my book “Losing Alex: The Night I Held An Angel” is only $6.99 on paperback and it’s also available for the kindle and as an audiobook. I poured my soul into the book and I hope it helps someone.

Love and Light,