As I said in my previous blog, my favorite show, Outlander, was going to have an episode about a stillbirth. I was looking forward to it because to date, no regular TV show in 21 years had tackled this particular loss properly in my view. There have been movies, or even short movies about it that have been good, even great, but no episodic television ever tackled this in a poignant way and with the attention that it frankly deserves. 100 babies are stillborn every single day in the United States alone! Can these babies and their mothers get some respect? They did in this episode, and it was fantastic. Amazing. Breathtaking. Caitriona Balfe totally nailed it. And I loved how she described the baby to Jamie…
“She was beautiful, so small, I could cup her head in the palm of my hand. Her ears stuck out just a little. You could see the light through them, the light through her skin, as well, like the light on a pearl still wet from the sea. Her eyes were closed. No lashes yet. They were slanted a bit, like yours. She had wisps of the most beautiful copper hair.”
I just love how they talked back then. Who knew English could be so whimsical? I want to learn to speak that way, I really do.
There was much already I could relate with this character of Claire, now even more. Not only I love “time travel” stuff, I love any period or medieval drama altogether (not sure if the 18th century is considered medieval, but close enough). I am also basically a nurse to my son and I am also into herbs and stuff, I am also and always a Sassenach (a foreigner… in the best way of the word. I am an immigrant afterall, and I’ve lived in the US for so long sometimes I feel a foreigner in my own country. Go figure! ) and I do believe my husband is my Jamie, I worship the ground he walks on and we did spend 15 years apart as well. I am obsessed with this show, now more than ever.
But… back to the stillbirth. Back to Alex and the coping of it. For the longest time I felt that “Bad things happen to good people” and that is what helped me cope. It worked well for me and I still spread the word ’til this day because that message is so powerful-we did nothing to deserve this, shit happens all the time and a lot of the time we did nothing to cause it, no need to put blame on ourselves or bring ourselves down, we need to love ourselves and move on. I know it’s difficult. It’s beyond difficult. But what has happened more recently helped me cope even more, and it is the strong belief that there is more to life than this.
I came across an audiobook called “My son and the Afterlife” a couple of years ago and while I was already on the bandwagon thinking of us as souls coming over to earth to learn lessons having read the books from Brian Weiss and Michael Newton, I had no idea that there are strong psychics out there that could actually channel a soul from the other side to have a conversation with. It took me two years to not only gather the courage to do it myself and get some answers, but to find someone that was the “real deal” so to speak. I certainly was not going to call any 800#.
So, after much consideration, soul searching, investigation and clear thinking, I was ready.
In this channeling session, many things were revealed to me that gave me much peace, things were said that confirmed his identity and more. I am no fool. Alex stated his passing was fast and unexpected, but planned. We had agreed to his passing in advance as our soul contract. His only regret was not being able to say goodbye. Me carrying him for so long was more so meant to re-instill joy and hope. Even though going through the loss was hard and difficult, what was supposed to happen and what was intended was to restore joy and hope because the situations that I was already going through in life and would happen later would pull that away/out from me so it was to restore hope and show me that there’s still everything in life to be hopeful and that hope it’s always within me.
He then thanked me for the latest gift for his memorial-just a few days earlier I had put up an Angel Tree in his memory. I then asked if he and his sibling (that I miscarried at 8 weeks) were together and he confirmed that it was a girl as I suspected. I then asked about Nicky. Obviously he picked this life. Why this life. Why EB? This is his answer:
“The concept is wanting to incarnate to wanting to learn compassion (for example). This person is going to learn compassion through what it is to be given compassion. That person is going to learn compassion by never getting it. And wanting it so they choose to give it. Two different ways to learning the same thing.
With Nicky he’s basically cramming many lessons into one incarnation that’s why some are way more severe than others. Because of wanting to learn all these lessons in one incarnation, all those lessons include those emotions that he’s experiences with. Things like feeling dependent and not having independence and the pain and relying on others for help. Know that he has signed up for this to do this to learn the most in one lifetime because his plan is to when he goes home he’s not going to incarnate for a long time thereafter. He wanted to learn the most in this lifetime.”
Question: Is a cure for EB in Nicky’s lifetime?
“He won’t experience a cure in his lifetime but it will become better/significant treatments.”
Hmmm… Interesting, no? I can have hope.
And then my final question: Any advice on moving forward?
“One thing I want you to think about… I know this is really a tall order. Find power in knowing that you’re experiencing what you’ve asked to experience. There is a lot of power in that. Feel restored and empowered in that. You feel powerless, but I want you to feel restored in your self-power. I see your energy rocking and teetering back and forth on feeling weak and weary and some days feeling better and stronger but I want you to realize your self-power and purpose. You have meaningful purpose. He’s thanking you for being selfless. I am not thanking you on my behalf. He’s thanking you on their behalf. Pointing to archangels and God. The service that you give your son has to be selfless, please know that it doesn’t go unseen or unrecognized. So he’s thanking you for that.”
Thank You Alex… with tears in my eyes…
Love & Light,