New episode of Butterfly Talk ready to view! October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day (as a whole, the month of October is also). Why this day is so important to me and why it’s linked to EB Awareness. My story and several tips on coping. Butterfly Talk is a YouTube show where I talk mom to mom about different aspects of coping and celebrating our amazing kids.Enjoy and I hope it’s helpful! Thank you for watching! Post Views: 80Read More →

Just yesterday Model/Author Chrissy Teigen posted something on her Instagram account that blew me away. Her loss. Her Pregnancy Loss. The pictures were so devastating to look at, not because of the images per se, but for the memories they brought back in my mind from my loss, long ago. I don’t think celebrities really know how important it is to share their grief with all of us. Grief sucks. To lose a baby sucks. We, as humans, have a need to not feel alone. I noticed that in the past 24 hours since Chrissy’s loss, a few celebrities have came forward, such as Kate Beckinsale, and shared their loss as well. I have never been so proud and so touched. There was a point that I started sobbing so hard, I felt compelled to thank Chrissy for posting about her loss because when I lost Alex in March 1995,Read More →

I can’t let October go by without posting at least “something” regarding either my experience with Pregnancy Loss or at the very least offer my thoughts on the matter either on how I feel more than 2 decades after my loss or the state of Awareness. Am I and are we moving forward? My answer is YES. The other night I was watching this show called “This is us” and this is the clip that sent me over the edge….: I was a mess. A total and complete mess. Even after the show ended I could not stop sobbing. My 13 year old son Connor came up to me a little while later, and not knowing what I was crying about, started talking about Alex. He hugged me and told me it was okay, Alex was okay etc. When I asked him how he “knew” that’s what I was cryingRead More →

I came across a short movie (23 minutes) the other day, produced by a UK charity called “Abigail Footsteps” called “The Deafening Silence” and I just cannot get it out of my head. I’ve seen other movies depicting… or trying to… show the emotion and devastation of stillbirth, and while they were mostly good, this one, in my humble view, is the BEST of the BEST. Of course, I am biased. You see, this particular movie, despite being filmed in a different country, depicts almost exactly my experience. There is so much in this movie I could relate to, it left me kind of speechless. With the sole exception of minor details, such as my mom being with me when the Doctor could not find the heartbeat rather than my husband, everything else was spot on. I was Louise. The Nurses were super-kind like hers were, the Doctor also did not say the wordRead More →

I made this video for my online “baby loss” support group 20 years ago. We all made videos to “swap around” with other grieving moms to help each other out. I put the highlights of my pregnancy with Alex, the delivery and the funeral and I put it to music. I am still not sure how I did that without a computer, but, alas. I’ve always been resourceful. That tape has been sitting around for 20 years and I never watched it again. Now that I am in the process of digitizing all sorts of VHS tapes for posterity I came across it and yesterday I was strong enough to do it. I still had to look away at some parts. I feel a lump in my throat that I can’t quite describe. It is what it is. I made this video public for the time being, but I knowRead More →

Twenty-one years ago the unthinkable happened to me. I was 9 months pregnant and on the day that I was due, I just couldn’t feel the baby move at all. The following morning, at the Doctor’s office, I was given the devastating news that there was no heartbeat. The baby had died inside of me. “Fetal Demise”, they called it, although I challenge any mom 9 months pregnant to think of her baby as a “fetus”. We named our baby Alexander and buried him about a week later amongst grief that is hard for me to even comprehend, let alone explain. Alex became part of our everyday life. I have photos throughout our house of him or of me holding him. There is an artist rendition on my wall. His actual foot and hand prints are hanging near family photos. There are tons of angels everywhere, even an angel “christmas tree”Read More →

I don’t talk much about Nicky’s big brother Alex in this blog. Alex is my first baby that was stillborn at full term in March 1995. I may not talk about him, but he’s always on my mind. His loss is something I will carry with me forever. His absence is felt, yet his presence is felt as well. It’s hard to really explain what your heart knows without a shadow of a doubt. I know a lot of people have doubts about the “afterlife”. Do our spirits survive physical death? What happens when we die? Most people do believe in heaven, but have a hard time believing in ghosts and supernatural things. It’s understandable. It’s creepy. But if Alex’s death has taught me anything is that our energy, our soul, survives. Too many things happened since his death that cannot be readily explained and are a little too coincidental.Read More →

My heartfelt book, Losing Alex, which I wrote after the loss of my first baby, Alex, who was stillborn at full term, is now officially an AudioBook and I couldn’t be more proud and humbled by the amazing voice of Marsha Waterbury, for lending her talents for my story. It’s available on Audible at this link. It’s also available on Amazon at this link. It is an Audible/Amazon exclusive, so it’s not available anywhere else. Thank you SO MUCH for your support and I do hope my story helps another bereaved mom out there… Remember, October is SIDS, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Love and Light,   Post Views: 837Read More →

My new giveaway for my book “Butterfly Child” is now live! Enter for a chance to one 1 of 2 Autographed copies! Autographed by both Nicky and I nonetheless!! Here’s the link! –> https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/150684-butterfly-child Thank you so much for your support… and if you have already a copy, please consider leaving a review! Much love <3 Post Views: 748Read More →