October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month

I can’t let October go by without posting at least “something” regarding either my experience with Pregnancy Loss or at the very least offer my thoughts on the matter either on how I feel more than 2 decades after my loss or the state of Awareness. Am I and are we moving forward? My answer is YES. The other night I was watching this show called “This is us” and this is the clip that sent me over the edge….: I was a mess. A total and complete mess. Even after the show ended I could not stop sobbing. My 13 year old son Connor came up to me a little while later, and not knowing what IRead More

The Deafening Silence

I came across a short movie (23 minutes) the other day, produced by a UK charity called “Abigail Footsteps” called “The Deafening Silence” and I just cannot get it out of my head. I’ve seen other movies depicting… or trying to… show the emotion and devastation of stillbirth, and while they were mostly good, this one, in my humble view, is the BEST of the BEST. Of course, I am biased. You see, this particular movie, despite being filmed in a different country, depicts almost exactly my experience. There is so much in this movie I could relate to, it left me kind of speechless. With the sole exception of minor details, such as my mom being with me when theRead More

Alex’s Video

I made this video for my online “baby loss” support group 20 years ago. We all made videos to “swap around” with other grieving moms to help each other out. I put the highlights of my pregnancy with Alex, the delivery and the funeral and I put it to music. I am still not sure how I did that without a computer, but, alas. I’ve always been resourceful. That tape has been sitting around for 20 years and I never watched it again. Now that I am in the process of digitizing all sorts of VHS tapes for posterity I came across it and yesterday I was strong enough to do it. I still had to look awayRead More

21 Years…

Twenty-one years ago the unthinkable happened to me. I was 9 months pregnant and on the day that I was due, I just couldn’t feel the baby move at all. The following morning, at the Doctor’s office, I was given the devastating news that there was no heartbeat. The baby had died inside of me. “Fetal Demise”, they called it, although I challenge any mom 9 months pregnant to think of her baby as a “fetus”. We named our baby Alexander and buried him about a week later amongst grief that is hard for me to even comprehend, let alone explain. Alex became part of our everyday life. I have photos throughout our house of him or of meRead More

Nicky’s Big Brother

I don’t talk much about Nicky’s big brother Alex in this blog. Alex is my first baby that was stillborn at full term in March 1995. I may not talk about him, but he’s always on my mind. His loss is something I will carry with me forever. His absence is felt, yet his presence is felt as well. It’s hard to really explain what your heart knows without a shadow of a doubt. I know a lot of people have doubts about the “afterlife”. Do our spirits survive physical death? What happens when we die? Most people do believe in heaven, but have a hard time believing in ghosts and supernatural things. It’s understandable. It’s creepy. ButRead More

Losing Alex now an Audiobook!!

My heartfelt book, Losing Alex, which I wrote after the loss of my first baby, Alex, who was stillborn at full term, is now officially an AudioBook and I couldn’t be more proud and humbled by the amazing voice of Marsha Waterbury, for lending her talents for my story. It’s available on Audible at this link. It’s also available on Amazon at this link. It is an Audible/Amazon exclusive, so it’s not available anywhere else. Thank you SO MUCH for your support and I do hope my story helps another bereaved mom out there… Remember, October is SIDS, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Love and Light,   Post Views: 66

New Giveaway for My Book “Butterfly Child”

My new giveaway for my book “Butterfly Child” is now live! Enter for a chance to one 1 of 2 Autographed copies! Autographed by both Nicky and I nonetheless!! Here’s the link! –> https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/150684-butterfly-child Thank you so much for your support… and if you have already a copy, please consider leaving a review! Much love <3 Post Views: 55

October 15th – Worldwide’s Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

I know it seems as if maybe I talk about Alex too much, after all he was in my life only 9 months, all spent inside of me, but how precious is that thought anyway? Alex’s entire life was spent underneath my heart. I felt every kick, cherished every movement. I spent 9 months day dreaming of my baby, my first baby nonetheless. I had been wanting a baby forever. And then the unexpected happened, and nobody wanted to talk about it. I think if I had been allowed to talk freely about Alex back then I would possibly be healed in a probably healthier way now, alas, I still feel I am in a good place atRead More

Losing Alex

My new book is finally out and I could not be prouder! This is truly a labor of love. Alexander Luciano “Alex” was stillborn at full term, on March 1st, 1995 @ 4:29 AM.  He actually died the day before he was due, on February 25th, 1995. He weighed 5 lb 13 oz and was 19.5 in long. At the time we were told that he died of a cord accident, but after his little brother was born with a skin disorder called Epidermolysis Bullosa (EB) it is very likely he had the same thing too. EB could have played a major part in his demise. There are no words that can accurately explain what it feels like toRead More

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

In Honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day I took two beautiful images of angels and put two of my favorite poems on them. I hope you like them, I am posting these below. Original size is much bigger, simply click on the image itself to see original size. Feel free to take them and use them as you wish. God Bless,           Post Views: 561