If Only I had a Delorean…

I think this is something we all wish-that a DeLorean was available for us to enter, we could turn on the time circuits, flick on the Flux Capacitor, and we could reach that 88-miles threshold to another place and time where we could change things…

Summer 1984 is where I would go. 31 years ago. I was a thick-glasses wearing brunette, I wasn’t overweight but I didn’t sport that concentration-camp look either, you know, the one that models have on the runway.

Summer 1984 - Near a Mall in North Miami Beach, FL

Summer 1984 – Near a Mall in North Miami Beach, FL

By the following year I had lost some weight, bleached my hair blonde, and got contact lenses. Let’s just say 1984 & 1985 were two years I would revisit for many different reasons. They were scary in many ways because I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do and who the heck I was, but some decisions I made those years have followed me in ways sometimes I appreciate and others… well… you know. But don’t we all have some regrets in retrospect?

Summer 1985 - At Universal Studios (CA) with the original DeLorean

Summer 1985 – At Universal Studios (CA) with the original DeLorean from he movie

Still, 1984/1985 were good years for me. I graduated High School, went to Florida for my Airline school, I spent a lot of time with Nick, my best friend at the time (should we have gotten married? Hmmm… ) and it’s also when I met Greg.
The career with the airlines never materialized, despite some of what I consider heroic efforts on my part. I mailed hundreds of resumes to any airline in existence, but at the time my biggest detriment was that several airlines had folded and those people with “experience” were on the frontline for many of those jobs. Just to illustrate how far and few these jobs were, I once went to Albuquerque for an interview for a stewardess position. I applied for any position possible BTW, I was qualified to do all, reservations etc. This airline was holding 3 sessions for two days, each session had about 50 girls and guys in a “group” interview. So… in Albuquerque alone they saw a minimum of 300 people. Albuquerque was just one stop on a cross-country tour. They went to at least 10 big cities, but probably many more. They were only looking to hire 100 people temporarily, of which they would offer full-time positions to only 50. I didn’t let that discourage me, after all I was fluent in two languages, but all my efforts went null. I flew to San Francisco for an interview once, they liked me but they hired someone with more “experience”. I almost got hired by Eastern Airlines in El Paso at one point. They said they would call me a few days later to let me know which position I was going to be on. A few days later they did call… to let me know Eastern Airlines had been pulled out of the El Paso Airport. I cried for days. The most I was able to do is to work for a travel agency… that was a story in itself, I wrote about it in my book “Butterfly Child“.
Looking back, all this airline stuff seems like a gigantic waste of time. It was my dream though, that’s what I wanted to do. If I went back, what exactly would I change? That’s the million dollar question. Perhaps I should have joined the computer bandwagon back then, but wouldn’t everyone?

I did end up joining the computer industry in 1992 when I started working at Babbage’s. Too little too late perhaps? Still, I was one of the first people to get an “email address”, I wonder if that counts for something. I went to the Google HQ with Nicky a few weeks ago and it felt so “right” to me, I told Nicky that if only I had been a few years younger (ok, 25), that’s where I would love to work. Totally in my bag of tricks, so to speak. Was I born too early maybe?

“Losing a baby at birth, followed by a (26)

If I am being completely honest here, I never felt like I fit in anywhere. I didn’t fit in Italy, I don’t think I fit in the US at all, everything I do I feel like I fail at. My track record is just pathetic. I couldn’t get a job in the airline industry, I was unable to franchise a Domino’s Pizza store (despite enormous heroic efforts there as well… the stuff I did… ugh!), then I had to quit my MicroAge job just when it was going so well when Nicky was born…
I feel like I am a major loser in that Dept as well… first baby, dead. Check. Second pregnancy, miscarriage. Check. Third baby, one of the more severe forms of EB. Fantastic. Then and only then I got Connor, and that’s only because I am not a quitter. I feel like the good Lord looked down on me and said… let’s throw her a bone. I felt that too when Greg and I got married in 2002. It’s almost as if God felt sorry for me and decided that maybe I was due a bit of something good. For the past 18+ years all I’ve done is taking care of my son. Don’t get me wrong, if I could go back in time I would do it over again, but it takes its toll. I can’t go anywhere, do anything, without considerable effort. It’s only been for the past few years that I can leave him alone in the house for a short amount of time. This means I have very little freedom. Even going to school was hard. I could only take classes at a certain time of day.

So, what exactly would I do if I was able to sit in this DeLorean? Perhaps nothing, perhaps something significant. I hope people don’t take this the wrong way, but seeing your child suffering every day, or holding your dead newborn are life-changing experiences that I wish I never experienced. Would I be a terrible person if I decided not to try to franchise a Domino’s Pizza store, forget about getting a job in the airline industry & ultimately not married Nick and had our kids (Alex & Nicky)? Would that make me awful? But of course that does not mean that something worse would have happened otherwise, although I cannot contemplate anything much worse than what actually happened.

At the end of the day, this is it. This is our life. Whatever happened in 1984 or 1992 or 2004 is written in stone. It cannot be changed. I’ve cried all morning writing this blog, for many different reasons, mainly because I forgot to take my Lexapro for a few days, but also because sometimes it just feels good to let the tears flow. It is OK. I accepted things. I am a happy person in the grand scheme of things, and I appreciate all the good. I just wish my lessons hadn’t had to be learned in such a hard way.

Love and Blessings,

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This and That

So many things to talk about!

lp1. I have an AMAZON GIVEAWAY going on! if you haven’t already, please enter and share, you can win my book “Butterfly Child”. Who will be the lucky person??? The giveaway will be active until the 22nd, so I hope someone by then wins the darn thing.
Enter Now by following THIS LINK. Follow me on Twitter and Retweet please! Thank you!

I will have giveaways on different platforms as time allows, on GoodReads for example, and I am researching others as well, so if you don’t win this one, don’t fret, there will be another one coming soon.

2. My next Podcast of “Butterfly Talk” is scheduled for April 21st at 3:30pm. My Special Guest will be Lorraine Spaulding, EB mom extraordinaire and always leading the way for EB awareness! She started Montello Fine Foods with her son Garrett 18, RDEB, and we will talk about that as well.
You may listen to it “live”, but if that’s not a good time for you it’s OK because it’s archived on the website and will be transferred later as a podcast on iTunes for you to listed to when you can!
I hope you join us! Bookmark this page on BlogTalkRadio now…–>

3.Butterfly Child” is now available everywhere, paperback and ebook and will soon be an audiobook as well! I know a lot of people would like me to narrate it, but… trust me when I tell you this… it ain’t happening. Not only I don’t have a studio, nor the time, it’s a lot more difficult to do something like that many may imagine. Even professionals with the most clear of voices and a studio available state it takes a lot longer than an hour to read an hour of a manuscript. Butterfly Child is so big (400+ pages) that it is estimated it would take over 20 hours for an audiobook to be produced. I was lucky, a talented woman is very taken by my book and wants to do it, so hopefully this dream of an audiobook will become a reality sooner rather than later. I am beyond thrilled!! As many of you may imagine, this book is immensely important to me. It took me 20 years to write it and I poured my whole being in it, I am working hard to make it so anyone can read it and gain some insight from it.

4. The last thing I wanted to share today is my Press Release. It went out to a lot of places today (this is just one place for example), lots of magazine/newspaper editors etcetera. If you know anyone who might be interested in getting the word out, please contact me at ebmomma @ gmail.com or just leave a comment below in the facebook app. I would appreciate any contacts!

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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
April 17, 2015. | Lancaster, California.
Visit http://www.butterflychildamothersjourney.com for contact details, review copies, photos, and an author bio.
New Memoir Spotlights Ultra-Orphan Disorder Epidermolysis Bullosa
A Mother Shares her 20 year journey from a stillbirth to raising her Special Need Son

Silvia Corradin, long time advocate for her son’s rare disorder Epidermolysis Bullosa (EB), lifts the vail in the hopes of raising awareness for her son’s condition and opening up about the devastating stillbirth that preceded his birth. Her new Book “Butterfly Child: A Mother’s Journey” describes in detail the past 20 years of her life, from the devastating news of her baby’s demise at full term, followed by a miscarriage, to the birth and journey dealing with her new baby’s diagnosis, a rare, fatal disorder of which Doctors were baffled on how to deal with.

Silvia Corradin was a Special Need columnist and has published three prior books featuring her columns and stories of families dealing with EB. She founded the EB Info World website in 1997 (www.ebinfoworld.com) when she realized there was hardly any information about her son’s disorder on the web. Readers of her books have expressed great enthusiasm for the project and the potential for awareness.

“Butterfly Child” is now available everywhere.

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Thank you so much and many blessings!

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Living for Today

“Losing a baby at birth, followed by a

I haven’t updated my blog in a little while-I am usually a chatterbox, I love to write and to me writing is therapeutic, but lately between my book release, Nicky’s extra trip to Stanford, Easter, Greg’s birthday and all I think I lost track of time. This next week I have paperwork galore to fill out. Not only for Camp, but I am also applying for SSI for Nicky and I want to get my kids their Italian Citizenships. I imagine that once summer comes around I might think about finding some sort of part-time job. Now that the book is finished and my only preoccupation is marketing, I can devote more time to do something that makes me happy. I have somewhat of a luxury in my golden years (I am 50 afterall) to perhaps find a job I might actually enjoy in the field I studied, photography/graphic design or both. Would love to do something from home or based at home. So much of my day is devoted to worrying about Nicky and taking care of Nicky, I need something fun to keep me from delving in the darkest parts of myself.

It’s all a wait and see, I guess.

In the quote I write about people in general always thinking I am exaggerating about Nicky’s condition. This is not something that is true anymore, mostly due to the fact that I learned to open up about things and showing the hell of what Nicky goes through the past few years. I call RDEB a monster, and Nicky is not one to be shy about calling it even worse. To be honest, I don’t know what this kid would do had he been born 20 years earlier. He lives at his computer. Would he be reading books? He hates reading. Would he just be watching TV non-stop? What exactly could he do since he can scarcely move? The only reason he’s in a happy mood lately is because of his online friends and his willingness to completely forget about his pain while he plays. So, I resort in being thankful that he’s happy on most days, make sure I don’t run out of pain meds, and do not think about the future too much. By writing my book I put the past into the past. The future is a mystery. We all know what RDEB means, and it’s not good, but I do hold hope in my heart that somehow, someway, Nicky will pull through. So, I just live in the present. All we have is today. I live for today. I make sure TODAY is a good day. I try not to be upset about things, I want to laugh, and I shower my boys with kisses.

It’s really all I can do. I will worry about tomorrow… tomorrow.

Love and Light,

Animation347_silvia

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This entry was posted in Blog.

“Butterfly Child” NOW AVAILABLE!!!

butterfly_child_cover-5j-copyGood morning everyone!!! My book is now LIVE finally from the publisher’s website! Woot! Here’s some links for you!

Paperback: The only way to get the book on paperback right this moment is through the publisher: http://www.lulu.com/…/butte…/paperback/product-22092004.html
It will take a few weeks to “show up” on Amazon and Barnes and Noble, when it does, I will post the link. If you were interested in a “signed” copy from me, I will have a few available (for those within the US only) in a couple of weeks or so on my website. I wanted to keep the price low but this is a big thick book and it’s not cheap to print. I am sorry.

To make it up to you, here’s some coupon codes websites:http://www.retailmenot.com/view/lulu.com &https://www.couponcabin.com/coupons/lulu/

eBook versions: As of today you can get the ebook at both the publisher’s website: http://www.lulu.com/…/butterfly…/ebook/product-22097219.html
and iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/…/book/butterfly-child/id979932054…
As soon as it becomes available for the Kindle, Nook, Kobo etc I will post the links.

THANK YOU SO MUCH everyone for your support! It means a LOT to me.

Muah!!!

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Alive

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I know for many, the thought of an “afterlife” or the idea that our soul survives is not something they believe in or even contemplate, but for me, it has become an absolute certainty. I’ve lost count of all the little things that have happened over the years that leave no doubt on the subject. Balls of lights in my bedroom, Alex’s photo falling on his birthday, a strange presence laying next to me in bed, feeling as if I was being hugged one night I was feeling particularly bad… and on and on…

I’ve had my share of encounters to know this is not my imagination, and a psychic I went to confirmed a few things without knowing anything about me. I mean, this woman knew the layout of my living room and told me things there was no way she could have known. I guess I feel so alone, and I miss my family in Italy so much that I crave any sort of encounter now, if not alive, then dead, whatever. Anyone will do, seriously!!! I wish I could “converse” with someone on the other side like Elisa does with her son Erik (http://www.channelingerik.com/), her blog has helped me so much.

I was thinking today that perhaps I’d like more interaction from my loved ones from the “other side”. No, I am not going crazy. Or perhaps I am, who knows. All I know is that every now and again, when I least expect it, strange things happen to let me know that someone is there for me. Unseen, unheard, but surely felt.

I was standing by the couch last night changing channels on the TV when I feel a gentle caress on my shoulder. I smiled… thinking it was Connor. He does this sort of thing, although usually he’s not so gentle. I turned around only to see Connor across the room-no way he could have made it that far in that little time. As I was startled thinking “what the heck touched me then if it wasn’t Connor”, the XM radio we have turned on by itself. There was definitely a presence in the room, although I wished I knew who it was. One of my grandmas? Alex? Greg’s mom perhaps? Greg has experienced the XM radio turning on by itself twice, while at the same time the lights going on and off on the treadmill. As he’s asking questions to his mom, the treadmill responds with more lights.

I guess this whole notion that our soul survives on the other side helps me realize that I need to make the most out of this life and never take my health and my family for granted. Every day is precious. I’ve got work to do… love to spread, people to meet, places to see, make some sort of difference.

When it’s all said and done, if all I accomplished in this lifetime is that I loved and took care of my family and raised even a little of EB awareness… my job is done.

Sending love and light to everyone…

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New Book Trailer for “Butterfly Child”

A little update on the book… I am still waiting for a few replies from literary agents… not sure I want to wait much longer. I initiated the process with Lulu, so I am formatting the book to their standards as we speak. I wish I knew someone famous that could get me this book published in a more broad way. Oh well. I guess my real job will be marketing it as much as possible from now on. I will keep everyone posted. HUGS <3

Love & Light,

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